You might not experience all of these feelings and, if you do, they'll not necessarily come in any particular order. Whatever you feel, you do not have to go through it alone. Hearing that your illness cannot be cured can be a frightening experience. Many people will be unable to take everything in.
If you're alone in the consultation, ask if you can bring a relative or friend in to hear everything the doctor has to say. You may need to ask for a follow-up appointment so that someone can be with you. Ask the doctor what support is available to you. They may refer you for additional specialist palliative care alongside the care you're already receiving. A GP will also know of any local sources of support.
Get in touch with a GP to explain what's happened and ask what help is available near you. This may include:. The Dying Matters website provides a range of resources for people affected by terminal illnesses as well as an online community. Not everyone wants to talk about what they're going through.
However, a terminal sometimes called life-limiting diagnosis can bring up worries and fears, and it can help to talk about these so they do not start to feel impossible to deal with. You might want to talk to your partner, family, or friends, or to a doctor, nurse, counsellor, or religious minister. People close to you will be dealing with their own feelings about your diagnosis.
If you or they are finding it hard to talk about it, you might want to talk to someone who is not as close to you, like a counsellor. Your doctor or nurse can help you find a counsellor. You can also search online to find services in your area.
It can be useful to have someone to talk to at night-time if you cannot sleep. Make sure there's someone you can ring a friend, relative or the Samaritans , but also recognise that you do not have to lie in the dark and try to sleep. You can turn on the light and do something else. Knowing that you have a life-limiting condition leaves you living with uncertainty.
Knowing how to comfort a loved one with a terminal illness can be challenging. What can you say or do? How can you help the person cope? How will you deal with your grief? Get the facts about supporting a loved one who is terminally ill. Your relationship might not change. If you're concerned, build on your relationship's strengths. Also, stay open to new possibilities. The diagnosis might improve your relationship. Remember that this person's needs and desires likely haven't changed. Many people facing a terminal illness want to be treated as normally as possible.
Let the person know that you're willing to listen — and never underestimate the value of your presence. Even if it feels as if you're not doing anything, your presence sends an important message. Don't, however, try to replace a trained counselor. Don't assume that the person will go through a methodical process of coming to terms with death.
The most desirable outcome might be that your loved one learns to live as fully as possible while accepting the presence of a terminal illness. But does your loved one have to accept having a terminal illness? There's no right or wrong way to come to terms with death.
Denial is a coping mechanism. Your loved one might be in denial because reality is too frightening, too overwhelming, or too much of a threat to their sense of control. The person might be afraid of pain or losing control of their bodily functions or mind. They might also fear failing family or becoming a burden. Denial can allow a person to let reality in bit by bit and continue living while contemplating death. As long as denial isn't causing significant harm — such as by causing the person to seek out painful treatments of no therapeutic value — then it isn't necessarily bad.
To provide emotional and spiritual support, invite your loved one to talk about their fears. Sometimes, however, it's easier for a dying person to share fears with a spiritual counselor. If denial is interfering with a dying person's necessary tasks, you might need to take action. If, for example, a single parent's denial of their illness is getting in the way of planning future care for a child, it might be necessary to intervene. Seek the help of a professional with expertise in the care of the dying, such as a hospice specialist, palliative care nurse, doctor or social worker.
Encourage your loved one to talk about their life. You might be amazed at the stories they have to share. Talking about memories can also help affirm that the person's life mattered and that they will be remembered. Ask your loved one what they want. Most people wish to die with family nearby, but others might prefer to go privately. About this information This information is not intended to replace any advice from health or social care professionals.
Related content. What are palliative and end of life care? Coping with change and uncertainty. People who can help. Single Monthly. What is palliative care? Find out about palliative and end of life care and how they can help people with a terminal illness. Learn more. Are you looking for help? Marie Curie Support Line. Call our Support Line on for practical and clinical information and support on all aspects of end of life and bereavement.
Regular support from a volunteer. Find a volunteer who can support you through regular chats through our Check-in and Chat service. Information and support. If you've been affected by terminal illness in any way, we're here to support and listen to you.
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